Lunch - egg salad sandwich

2 hardboiled eggs
slice of red onion
1/4 avocado
big handful of baby spinach
1 tbsp mayo
1 tsp dijon mustard
pinch Himalayan pink salt
pinch garam masala
2 slices Ezekiel complete protein bread


Chop it all up, mix it together, put it between the bread and eat.

That's all the energy I can muster for a blog post today. We were up until 2:45 last night being made to watch a 3.5 hr Bollywood movie. This morning's yoga class was punishing.

But hey, tomorrow is Friday and we'll be one day closer to the weekend.  Sleep, shopping, beach, restaurants, fun (oh, and dialogue memorization, too)  ;)

The going gets tough...

A tiny bit of my enthusiasm and exuberance from Week One have begun to wane as we navigate the increasingly choppier waters of Week Two.  It's to be expected. It's only going to get harder (and harder).

We still haven't had a truly 'late' night.  I'm averaging 6-7 hours/night of good sleep. So we haven't even reached the sleep deprivation part of this roller coaster yet.

We also still haven't finished listening to the 400 deliveries of the Half Moon dialogue, so the real work of daily memorization, dialogue performance, anatomy classes and quizzes hasn't begun yet either.

What has happened this week, however, is that the heat has been ramped up to agonizing, blistering extremes in the yoga room. Starting with Monday morning's class and for each subsequent class, they have jacked up the heat so freakin high (125 degrees, probably more even?), it is physically impossible to do the postures to your normal capability.

Yesterday it got so hot that I went from sweating and burning, to shivering and goosebumps. My body and brain were so confused in a desperate attempt to keep my core temperature down. I think wires were being crossed. It felt like I might be going into shock.  I got up and left the room for a few minutes -something I never do.  

Barely alive in final Savasana

The purpose of the intense heat here, we're told, is to remind us of what it's like for the average person walking into the average Bikram studio for the first time.  It's meant to teach us compassion and humility.

I get it.

Bikram yoga isn't just physical yoga. It's mental yoga too.

The struggle I'm having right now is watching my personal practice suffer.  Instead of getting bendier with 2 classes a day, I feel I'm losing flexibility.  Why?  It's too hot to go deep into the postures, to do them properly. In class the voice in my head says 'it's humanly impossible in these temperatures to hold a 60 second standing bow while kicking into the standing splits with your shoulder to your chin, and your arm, zhooom!, charging toward the mirror'.  And then I look around me, and my mind's message is confirmed for me when I see the champion yogis among us who are down for the count, or leaving the room, halfway through the class.  It seems like going through the motions and pretending to do the postures is your best bet if you want to make it through to the end.

And so right now my goal is to arrive to each class with no expectation and no anticipation.  That super impossible class that I almost just died in? It's over. It's in the past. I survived it and I need to tell myself I'm stronger for it. 

But there's another class coming up in a few hours again, and the only right way to approach it is with non-judgement and zero anticipation.  Negative thoughts stop you from going forward.

All you have is this moment.

The whole point of yoga is achieving self-realization, only then can you know what you're truly capable of.  In the words of Emmy Cleaves:  "You don't even know what your best is". 

The Invitation by Oriah

Rajashree read this to us while we were lying in final Savasana today.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me

how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah Mountain Dreaming

The first weekend

Saturday morning started with an 8am yoga class. A great class with a super inspirational and energetic visiting teacher. In final savasana she led us through a group mantra meditation which was positively electrifying. 400 people chanting in Sanskrit in unison. I felt my whole body vibrate with the room's energy, from the hair follicles on my head right out the tips of my toes. It was a perfect way to end the week's training.

The rest of Saturday and Sunday were low key. I rented a car, drove to Santa Monica, and had lunch at Urth Caffe (at a friend's recommendation. She was right, it was amazing). Studied my dialogue, walked along the beach a bit and thought about how this was the setting of my favorite TV show growing up - Three's Company. I tried to imagine which of the apartment buildings along the beach might have been Jack's, Janet's, and Chrissy's :) Then I headed back to the hotel, picked up my friend, and drove to Manhanttan Beach to have dinner with other trainees.

Manhattan Beach

Sunday, woke up, drove back to Manhattan Beach to Peet's for a morning coffee while studying the dialogue. Had a massage, one of the best I've ever had. I didn't realize how sore my back was until she put her hands on me. Got a pedicure. Did some grocery shopping. Dropped the rental car off. Studied the dialogue with my awesome neighbor/friends until bed time.

We're into Week Two now. So far, so good. I expect that I'm probably not going to be able to keep up with daily blogs at some point soon, but I'll do the best I can. Thank you guys for reading!

Bollywood night #1

No Bikram yoga teacher training would be complete without the legendary late night lectures and Hindi movies. It's an integral part of the whole experience (even though we curse being made to stay up past midnight).  It's all part of the ride.

Last night we got our first Bollywood treat with the movie "Kaho Naa...Pyaar Hai" which translates to "Say...You Love Me".
173 minutes of catchy songs, dance numbers, romance, melodrama, heartache, corruption, betrayal, vindication, and of course the happily-ever-after ending.

"Say it" (...tell me you love me!)

Ahhh,  together at last. 

I loved it.  2.5 hours into it I could barely keep my eyes open and was crouched on the floor with my head on the chair trying to sleep...but I loved it nonetheless.    

And so ends week one.  I'm enjoying every minute of being here.  Trying to be as present as possible, in the moment.  Not thinking of what I'll be doing when I leave. Not thinking of what happened before I came.  Just making the most of every experience and feeling very, very grateful for the opportunity. We're living, eating, sleeping, breathing yoga here.  This is my heaven.

Wednesday September 21 - Day 3

Yesterday started off well.  

7am - woke up, listened to Howard on Sirius while I got ready. Light pre-yoga breakfast.

8:30 - class with Rajashree was gentle and nice.  I practiced with Nicola at the front of the room. Had a strong class.

10:30 - back in my room, shower, eat, eat, eat. Rehearse Half-moon dialogue.  

12:30 - down to the lecture hall.

3pm- deliver my dialogue to Bikram (thank God this is the only time we have to do this).  His feedback: "good...verrry good". Phew.

5pm - yoga with Bikram. He killed me.  I think all the adrenaline from earlier in the day caught up with me.  I had eaten well, drank enough, taken my supplements, and was well rested from the night before, but 10  minutes into class I felt like I was operating at a deficit.

The room was hot (of course, what else would it be). He was holding the postures 2-3 times longer than what we're used to.

Pranayama went on forever.  My deltoids were on fire. Burning.

At Standing Bow I was feeling dizzy.

Triangle (which is my posture) was the most half-assed triangle I've ever done.

From Standing Separate Leg Stretching all the way until the end of class I was blacking out whenever I was upright. 

I didn't push through it, though.  Nor did I lie down or leave the room. I just went through the motions, hoping Bikram wouldn't call me out. I'm sure he must have seen me. He sees everyone. I was performing at maybe 5% of my normal capability, yet I was giving it all I had.  Aren't I an endurance athlete? This is not normal.

7pm - it was over.  Sometimes class feels like it may never end, but it always does, doesn't it.

7:15 - back in my room, I had some electrolytes, and felt well again, just like that. An epsom salt bath with peppermint essential oil felt good on my sore hamstrings.  Talked to Jonathan about the experience and we decided that it was probably the day's adrenaline that did me in, and possibly also an inadequate diet.  He reminded me that Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day when he trains. So, dinner was lasagna from the buffet downstairs, which I devoured. Meat lasagna. Yes. Because my body was screaming for something that wasn't a green leaf or a grain, and I'm listening to my body.  

8:30 - 20 minute power nap, then down to the lecture hall.

11:30 - we got lucky again tonight. He was in a fabulous mood and let us go to bed early.

It was only day three.  Day three of 63.  But a great day all in all.  

I decided that if I need to eat animal protein to keep myself from getting depleted from the rigors of this training, then that is what I'll do.  This weekend I plan on stocking up on canned sardines and salmon at Whole Foods. Maybe some eggs, too.  They told us on day one that vegetarians might need to reconsider their diet. It didn't take me long to figure out that they are right.

Post morning-yoga protein smoothie

Trying to write a blog post from my phone for the first time. Let's see how this turns out.

My après-yoga energy boost: almond milk, banana, Vega Sport protein powder, baby spinach, blueberries, raw cacao powder, and coconut oil.

(I didn't like the flavor of the Vega protein very much. It tasted artificial.  When I was at Whole Foods stocking up on Sunday, I also bought a couple sample pouches of Amazing Grass brand protein powder - organic, raw, vegan and soy free.  I'll try that in tonight's post-yoga shake).




























Blend and drink.

Cheers!

With each meal I try to make sure I'm getting a good balance of carbs, protein, and healthy fat. All from as natural and as unprocessed sources as possible. It's tough when you're living out of a hotel room, but doable.

Along with the shake I also had a sandwich made with Ezekiel bread, olive tapenade, baby greens, raw hummus, and avocado.

One of my biggest challenges right now is making sure I get enough calories packed into each meal as possible. I do not want to get skinny while I'm here.  Building more muscle is great, but I can't afford to lose any fat, so I have to make sure every meal counts.

I'm about to head down and deliver my dialogue of Half-moon pose in front of Bikram and 400 other people.  Every trainee has to do it, and then Bikram gives you his raw/honest feedback (judgement) in front of everyone.  The anticipation is nerve-wracking.  Fingers crossed. Wish me luck!

breakfast

Here's a quick post about today's breakfast.




Ezekiel sprouted whole grain cereal with blueberries, 1/4 of a banana, drizzle of raw honey, almond milk.
Huge glass of lemon water.
Black chai tea with almond milk and raw honey.

Most people eat nothing before yoga.  I can't do that. I need at least 3 bites of something in my tummy.

Yum yum.

Gotta go sign in for 8:30 class now.  Have a great day, everyone!

Day One of teacher training and already a lesson learned

Note to self:  do not drink 2 liters of water right before a 90 minute (in reality more like 2 hour) yoga class with Bikram.

They told us to make sure we were well hydrated.  I took that advice a little too literally.



10 minutes into class I knew I was in trouble.  We weren't even at eagle pose yet and already I had to pee.

By the time we got to the floor series, it was agony. I had to go to the bathroom so bad that I was silently doing Lamaze breathing to control the discomfort.  In savasana, I had my toes crossed (the next best thing to crossing my legs?).  "Mind over matter...mind over matter..." was the mantra I repeated in my head.

At home I do class without water.  But apparently in teacher training, it's so intense some people bring two or three water bottles in. Some even had small kegs of water (seriously?).

Here I'll have my water cup with me in class.  I need to drink enough water throughout the day to be hydrated, but not overload before class to the point that my bladder feels like a water balloon stretched to the max. Lesson learned.

And so ends day one.  We had an easy day today (even though that class was far from easy), no evening lecture - we got lucky.  I think tomorrow we hit the ground running with what I expect will be our first actual full day.

Wish me luck!

Birthday wishes and Gratitude

First...

Happy Birthday, Jonathan, the most wonderful husband a girl could ever wish for (and also in SweetPea's words, "the best Daddy ever").

Thank you for believing in my any and every endeavor. You make so many of my dreams a possibility. You stand by me, you lift me up. You truly are the best man I know. How lucky I am to call you mine!  I love you.

...

Second...

As I'm busy with last minute errands and packing, I am filled with gratitude. I want to put these thank yous out there into the universe.

Thank you, Mom and Dad.  Everytime we talk about my yoga, you're so proud of me for being so into it :) Without your supportive words, I might not have felt so encouraged to pursue teacher training. So, thank you so much, Mom and Dad, for cheering me on. I love you guys.

Thank you to Nomi Ross for opening Bikram Yoga Marietta. Without that studio I would have never discovered the yoga that has changed my life. Thank you to all my yoga teachers: Naedra, Rebecca, Christian, Beth, Hope, Cathy.  And thank you Eric J.  I sure hope I haven't forgotten anyone.

Thank you to my yogi friends at my home studio who have shared in my excitement about teacher training. Even just a kind word in passing in the change room after class...it means so much to me.

Thank you to all the people in my life who have sent positive words of encouragement my way.  I remember each and everyone of those comments.  Those words are in my heart. I feel like they give me wings. As I'm about to set off on this grand little adventure, the strength of that positive energy carries me. Love you all.

Thank you.

PS - Edited 9/28 to add: Thank you to my teacher Kirsten. And Neil, too. How could I have forgotten them?!

Ring a Day...and lists...and irony

This is what I call irony: the day I close my Etsy shop, as I prepare to embark on an entirely new life changing path (going to Los Angeles for 2 months for Bikram yoga teacher training), is the day I get a copy of the newest publication by Lark.  The Ring a Day book in which my jewelry creations are featured FIVE separate times.  Back in my jewelry making days having my work published in a book would have been the ultimate.  Yet I quit making jewelry 8 months ago.  Still, it is a tremendous honor...I can't believe I'm in a book!  I also can't believe the timing.

The book is available on Amazon, and I believe in bookstores everywhere. You can find a copy here.

See my SweetPea's picture in my locket ring on page 90.

...

In the meantime, I leave for LA in less than 3 days.  I'll be gone for an entire 9 solid weeks with no trips home in between.  Ay ay ay, so much to do. So little time left.

My life these days revolves around lists, and trying to cross as many things off them as possible.  Lists of things to pack. Lists of things to take care of before I leave.  Lists of things to do when I get there. Lists of things to buy. Lists of lists!

And let's not even talk about that dialogue I'm supposed to be memorizing...

I've been waiting for this day for months, and now I just want time to slow down and wait for me.   That's irony, too.

Friday night at the park

Weekly family picnics are a tradition around here.  As we move toward the less oppressive weather of September, there's something appealing about spending a relaxing evening outdoors instead of at the dining room table. 


After dinner Jonathan and SweetPea rode bikes around the park while I enjoyed some quiet time by myself on the blanket. Me, my Bikram dialogue, and a very pretty blue sky.  Just a little over 2 weeks to go now.  Feeling pretty confident about it.